Lesson 2
On this day we made our promises
To always be faithful and true
Repeated our vows to each other
To become one instead of two.
With our right hands joined together
We gave promises to always love
Then in prayer we bowed together
Sealing our marriage from above.
H - Happiness must be pursued daily by each other.
Many who get married, do so with the
storybook philosophy, “and they all lived happily ever after!” However, this is
NOT the way it is in real life. Happiness, especially in marriage, must be
sought by both parties. The husband or wife who sits back and thinks, “Here I
am, now make me happy,” will find unhappiness! True love has arms that reach
out in both directions! The love in marriage that brings happiness involves
both giving and receiving, and anything short of this will fail. [1]
The
famous Golden Rule given by Jesus is essential to having a happy marriage. We
often paraphrase it this way: “Do unto others as you want others to do unto
you.” (see Matthew 7:12). The husband who abuses his wife does not want to be
abused. The wife, who constantly criticizes the faults of her husband, does not
want her faults criticized! Thus, the Golden Rule will correct this problem.
[2]
The Marriage License
The marriage license does not give
husbands or wives the right to hurt, harm, or criticize their mates in a
destructive way. The man who beats his wife and says, “She’s my wife and I can
beat her if I want to,” is a criminal! The wife who says, “He’s my husband, and
I can treat him any way that pleases me,” is totally wrong. [3]
Many
married couples need to hear again the vows they made when they were married,
because love, honor, and faithfulness are often replaced with hate, fighting,
and unfaithfulness! [4]
A Daily Investment
Marriage involves a daily
investment. Each person must ask the question, “What can I give?” rather than,
“What can I get?” Remember, happiness in marriage is
a daily pursuit. It’s the little things each day that join together to build happiness.
[5]
Yes,
marriage is a lifetime investment, and it is capable of yielding a lifetime of
great dividends. [6]
I - “I” must be changed to “we” because you are one.
When God made the first couple and
brought them together in marriage, the following is recorded: “And Adam
said: ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called
Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his
father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:23-24). [7]
I’m Number One!
Thus, the concept of marriage is a
beautiful thing, but it can also be the most difficult. In most cases, from the
moment we are born, we receive special attention. All our needs are met, and we
grow up as the center of attention of our parents and others. We are fed,
clothed, educated, given gifts, and made to feel important. [8]
Then
comes marriage, when we are called upon to share everything with another, and
this can cause serious problems. He or she may not jump to our every request
like we have known over the years from our parents. Therefore, it becomes
painful to change “I” to “we.” But this is the only way to have a happy
marriage. [9]
Total Commitment
You have probably heard it said many times that marriage
is a fifty, fifty experience. No, this concept destroys the oneness that God
intends for marriage. More correctly, marriage is a total commitment to each
other, and when we are helping our mate, we are helping ourselves. When we are
harming our mate, we are harming ourselves. [10]
Paul compared the love, sacrifice, and commitment of Jesus
and His church to the husband and wife relationship. To the husbands he wrote: “Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her”
(Ephesians 5:25).
To the wives he wrote: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). [11]
This
is the highest standard possible! It is the perfect example of how a husband
and wife can change “I” to “we” to find happiness in marriage. [12]
J -
Jealousy must never be caused or believed.
Jealousy is used in this context as
one who has unfounded feelings of suspicion and mistrust. There is no way of
knowing of how many marriages have experienced unhappiness and even failure
because of this evil kind of jealousy. Therefore, every possible effort should
be made by a husband and wife to keep this kind of evil out of their marriage.
[13]
Two Principles
There are two principles involved in
this type of jealousy. First of all, each one should live in such a way that
all causes for jealousy are removed. The theory that making my mate jealous
will help our marriage is false to the core. Any so-called benefits from
jealousy are eaten up with a loss of respect and trust. Thus, true love will
not go there! Paul verifies this
truth as he shows what love will do.
Love: “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things” (1
Corinthians 13:7). [14]
Jealousy
that is founded or unfounded, is very painful, and those who promote it show
that they don’t love their mates. We do not want to hurt the ones we love. [15]
A Dangerous Trap
Also, those who purposely create
circumstances to make their mates jealous may be creating a trap to bring
destruction to their marriages; because unfaithfulness in any form does not
have positive results. The one who goes out with another to make their mate
jealous may get involved in sinful lust, or may even begin falling in love to
the point of eventually divorcing their mate. [16]
Therefore,
all causes of jealousy should be removed, and every effort should be made to
avoid even implications of such. [17]
The
second principle is to trust your mate completely. Always give him or her the
benefit of the doubt. Keep in mind that there are things that look suspicious
that can be false. Once every cause for jealousy is removed, then both should
seek the goal of removing all jealous thoughts. The best way to do this is to
keep your love intact and active. Remember, love that is neglected and has
grown cold sets the stage for temptations and causes jealousy. [18]
The
best way to deal with jealousy is to stop it before it begins by being
committed to love, faithfulness, and being true to each other as long as you
both shall live. [19]
K - Keep your hearts and lives pure from adultery.
The leading enemy to having happy
marriages is adultery, and we are living in a society that promotes lust,
unfaithfulness, and adultery on every hand. The harlot is frowned upon by many
and even called a “hooker,” but the unfaithful husband or wife is called
“having an affair.” How many times do you hear this referred to as “having a sinful affair,” or “having an adulterous affair?” [20]
The Beginning of a Fall
Some even go so far as to say that an
occasional sexual affair can strengthen a marriage. However, the truth of the
matter is that this kind of affair weakens a marriage and sets it up for a
fall. Yes, there are marriages that survive affairs like this and go on to be
strong, but such is true in spite of the affair and NOT because of it. For many
marriages, it is either an immediate fall, or the beginning of one, because sin
never has a positive outcome, in and of itself! [21]
When Jesus spoke of the problem of divorce and remarriage,
other than death, He mentioned only one exception, “And I say to you,
whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual
immorality, and marries another, commits
adultery; and whoever marries her
who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Jesus made it clear that
God wanted, and intended from the beginning, for man and woman NOT to put each
other away. “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what
God has joined together, let not man separate”
(Matthew 19:6).
[22]
Evil Consequences
Those
who allow themselves to sin by becoming involved in adultery or sexual
immorality, will sooner or later suffer evil consequences. The word of God
declares: “For the wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23). “Do not be deceived, God is not
mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his
flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of
the Spirit reap everlasting life” (Galatians 6:7-8). [23]
Therefore,
to have a happy marriage while seeking to be right within God’s will, both
husband and wife should make every possible effort to keep their hearts and
lives pure from adultery. [24]
Instructions: Fill in the blanks
1. An
unfaithful husband or wife commits this (Mt. 19:9) _________________
2. Love:
“________ all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all
things” (1
Corinthians 13:7, NKJV)
3. “And
Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my ________’ (Gen. 2:23)
4. The
One whom the responsibility of the husband is compared (Eph. 5:23)
5. “Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ also loved the _________ and gave Himself
for her,” (Eph.
5:25).
6. “whoever
____________ his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to
commit adultery, ....” (Mt. 5:32, NKJV)
7. “Therefore
a man shall leave his ___________and mother and be joined to his wife,...” (Gen. 2:24)
8. “and
the two shall become one ___________” (Eph. 5:31)
9. ”let
each man have his __________wife, and let each woman have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2)