Happy Marriages

Lesson 6

You may ask how much I love you

And to this I would gladly say

You’re my joy and my longing

Every moment of every day.

You may ask, do you miss me

When I must be away?

Then I’d answer, I adore you

Whether near or far away.

—Benny B. Bristow

T - Thank God daily for each other.

As a general rule, Christians pray for the things that are important to them. Yes, other things are included in an unselfish prayer, but greater concern is given to things that are personal. If we were to compile a list of things that are important in our lives, surely marriage would be near the top of the list. Then, why would we ever neglect to pray for our mates and our marriages? Since God designed and approved marriages that are based on His will, shouldn’t we be deeply desirous of His help and guidance? [1]

Gratitude To God

Don’t be afraid to thank God for your mate, and to ask Him for specific things to improve your marriage and happiness! Christians are commanded to share all things with God. Paul wrote: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6). [2]

Easier To Forgive

When we are sincerely praying and thanking God for our mates, it is easier to forgive and overlook daily annoyances. In fact, we will try harder to give them the benefit of the doubt, to express and show love, and to follow the Golden Rule! [3]

May Be Too Late

In some cases, a husband or wife will wait until their mate is gone to thank God. The time to thank God for each other is daily, and while we are still together! This will certainly help us to have a happy marriage. [4]

U - Unfaithfulness must be completely removed from our vocabularies.

We live in a society today where many thousands either accept or practice unfaithfulness. A man being interviewed made a statement that many accept even though they may not express it. He said, “My wife and I have an agreement that we can have occasional sexual affairs.” Then he was asked, “Isn’t this harmful to your marriage?” His answer, “No, I think an occasional affair can be healthy.” [5]

Thinking Like The Devil

This kind of attitude comes straight from the devil himself. Not only does it fly into the face of God’s word, but also a large number of those at the divorce courts are there because of sexual infidelity! Those who live and practice this man’s philosophy are trampling under foot the sanctity of marriage. They are opening the door for defiance to God, physical diseases, and loss of respect between husbands and wives. [6]

Therefore, before and during marriage, the idea of unfaithfulness should never be considered an option. Remove it completely from your minds, and implant deeply in your hearts that faithfulness will always be an essential part of your marriage. [7]

V - Victory comes to the faithful.

The principles found in God’s word for living the Christian life, are also the fundamentals that are needed in marriage. In fact, the ABC’s in these lessons are founded upon the teaching of the Bible. Therefore, one of these essential truths is faithfulness. [8]

The Victory Crown

Christians are living daily with the hope of winning the victory crown, and this is done only through faithfulness. Jesus had John to write the following to one of the churches in Asia: “Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life” (Revelation 2:10). [9]

This powerful truth also applies to having successful and happy marriages. Victory is won when a couple sincerely fights life’s battles while being faithful to God, each other, and to family. Yes, there will be many rough places on the road of life, and many threatening storms will appear, but with faithfulness to God and to each other, they will endure. [10]

Therefore, when the years have come and gone, they will be able to meet their appointment of death with dignity and love for each other. [11]

Also, if they depart this life as faithful Christians, they will face God as His children, and He will usher them home to eternal glory. This is a true victory that is found here on earth, as well as throughout eternity! [12]

W - Whining must be totally off limits.

Although the biblical concept of marriage is that the two shall become one flesh, there are still in a marriage two people with two personalities. One of the greatest challenges in marriage is to learn to live together in harmony and peace. One of the things that can make living together in accord easier is for both to keep a bridle on their tongues. Failing to do so will have a negative effect on all aspects of the marriage. [13]

In the New Testament, James sets forth this same principle with one’s religion. “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless” (James 1:26). [14]

Therefore, what are some of the difficulties that arise in a marriage when the husband, wife, or both take the bridle off his or her tongue? For one thing, there will be whining. Whining is defined as “expressing discontent, resentment, or regret, usually peaceably and as if seeking sympathy.” [15]

Will This Bring Happiness?

Does this sound like something that would bring happiness to a marriage? This is not to say that husbands and wives cannot discuss differences and that they should not ever complain when things displease them, because this seems to be a natural part of marriage. In fact, having honest discussions, even about things on which we disagree, can help work through problems. [16]

A Negative Response

However, whining is different, because it is a negative response that comes from a negative attitude. It involves selfishness and promotes self-seeking instead of the idea of sharing the things that must be present in happy marriages. [17]

Whining is also a symptom that love is not present. Most of the time, the one whining knows that his or her mate resents it, but he or she continues to do it. Love does not act this way. [18]

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). [19]

Increase Love

Therefore, the best way to remove whining from a marriage is to increase love and to live by the principles of love. Also, apply the principle found in the Golden Rule: Don’t force your mate to hear whining that you would not want to hear. Whining eats away at any marriage. Thus, to seek happiness, we should declare excessive whining totally off limits in our marriages. [20]

Instructions: Fill in blanks

1. “It is more _______________to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35)

2. “This is now ________of my bones and flesh of my flesh;” (Gen. 2:23)

3. “and I will give you the ___________of life” (Rev. 2:10)

4. “Be faithful until _____________________,” (Rev. 2:10)

5. “Marriage is _____________among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Heb. 13:4)

6. Love: “believes all things, ________________ all things,” 1 Cor. 13:7)

7. “love does not _________________itself,” (1 Cor. 13:4) (19)

8. “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his         ________________ . . . . this one’s religion is useless” (James 1:26)

9. “and the ___________shall become one flesh” (Mt. 19:5, NKJV)

10. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed _______;” (Heb. 13:4)

11. “______________, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Col. 3:18)

—BBBristow