Happy Marriages
Lesson 7
Take my heart, take my hand
Take my whole life through
Take
my weakness, take my strength
Take my love for you.
Take my warmth, take my cold
Take my sickness too
Take my thoughts for you. —BBBristow
X - X-rays are for hospitals, not for each other.
All of us are familiar with the
importance of X-ray machines and CT-scan equipment in the medical field. The
purpose of these machines is to look inside our bodies to find things that are
wrong. This technology is of great value in keeping our bodies healthy, but
when the same concept is applied to marriages, it can destroy happiness! [1]
All
married couples have their weaknesses and faults, and there are times when
these need to be brought out in the open and discussed. However, when this is
done continually on a daily basis, it will destroy. No husband or wife should
feel that they are being X-rayed every moment by their mates. [2]
Searching For Faults
Those who are serving as daily X-ray
technicians need to realize that as they are searching for faults in their
mates, they have faults themselves. Therefore, a happy couple is one who sees
each other’s faults, but ignores the minor ones. [3]
This
is not to say that all faults should be ignored. There are weaknesses and
faults in each mate that can destroy happiness and even the marriage itself.
These need to be exposed and discussed with a joint effort to correct them, but
not to the boiling point of anger. However, beyond this, the daily annoyances
that may appear by each other should not be constantly exposed. Love will help
each other live with the shortcomings of each other. [4]
Examining Motives
Therefore, before we X-ray our mates
and point out their weaknesses, we should examine our
motives for doing this by asking some important questions: [5]
1. Am I doing this to
make myself look better?
2. Will this criticism
help or harm my mate and our marriage?
3. If things were
reversed, would I want the same?
4. Is this a weakness
that is sinful and destructive?
5. Is my motive
selfish in nature?
6. Are my actions a
symptom of a lack of love? [6]
You
can be assured that when love is our guide, we will see the good in the ones we
love rather than always looking for something bad! [7]
Y -
Your happiness is in your hands.
There have been many marriages over the years that
have failed because one or both were not willing to accept the responsibility
of seeking happiness. A husband or wife who enters marriage with the attitude,
“Here I am, now make me happy,” will not be happy. [8]
Each
party in the marriage relationship should have as their goal to give their best
to be happy. When both husband and wife feel the need to be happy and to help
the one they love to be happy, then happiness will be found. However, happiness
is not a one sided situation. Each one must feel that happiness is in their
hands. [9]
Two Directions
Remember, happiness must flow in two
directions—it must be given and received. As one lady
expressed it, “When I decided to do my best to make my husband happy, I became
happy!” [10]
The
apostle Paul reveals that Jesus taught that giving is a greater blessing than
receiving. “And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, `It is
more blessed to give than to receive’” (Acts 20:35). [11]
Giver or Taker?
Do we apply this principle in our
marriages? Are we a giver and taker, or just a taker? When a husband or wife is
a taker only, their marriage will never be happy. However, when both are
givers, the receiving will be turned into a real blessing for both. [12]
Therefore,
never forget that happiness is in your hands, and that to be happy, you must
contribute to happiness. [13]
Z -
Zap away fights before they begin.
Most couples that are married admit
that they have an occasional fight with words, and some verbal fights, at
various degrees, are inevitable! Yet, fights should not be a way of life, and
both should work diligently to avoid them. Certainly, fights involving physical
blows should ALWAYS be avoided! [14]
One
couple said, “About all we do in our marriage is fight!” This will not bring
happiness to a marriage. [15]
Avoiding Fights
How can most fights be avoided? The
answer, zap them before they begin. When there are tensions and disagreements,
make every effort to keep them under control. Once each has expressed his or
her side of the issue, don’t keep on until tempers rage and things are said
that will destroy happiness. [16]
Ways To Avoid Fights
How are some of the ways that we can
zap away fights before they begin? [17]
*Daily Prayer
1.
Pray daily to be able to forgive your mate when he or she does you
wrong. Failing to forgive provides the fuel to have fights that destroy by
burning out of control. [18]
* Action! - Action!
2.
Make
an effort to avoid
subjects that you know will irritate your mate. If it is necessary to deal with
such subjects, be very tactful and considerate. Remembering how you feel when
you are confronted with disturbing subjects can make a great difference. [19]
* Make Specific Plans
3.
Plan
to be kind as much
as possible. When you are depressed or weary with your work or with others,
don’t take it out on your mate. Don’t treat them as though they are the one who
did you wrong. After all, he or she is on your side. [20]
* A Time To Run
4.
Run
from a fight. This
is not to say that we should not discuss issues of contention or refuse to help
resolve problems. But it means that when we see a fight gathering that will not
accomplish anything positive, get away. Remember, things look different when we
have had time to cool down and think, than when we are upset and angry. [21]
* Damage Control
5.
Recognize
the damage that
fights can do to a marriage. As one lady said, “After we had an awful fight, we
decided to give up on our marriage.” Then following a few moments of silence,
she continued, “You know, I can’t even remember now what the fight was
about.” [22]
The final fight that she mentioned
was probably a long series of many unresolved fights. Fight after fight, they
destroyed their relationship until they used the last one to end their
marriage. [23]
* Keep Strong Love
6. Finally, the way to zap away a fight before it begins is to keep the feelings of love strong. This is
not always easy, and does not happen quickly. Love between a husband and wife
must grow daily through special words and deeds that show deep concern. Both
husband and wife need to provide the right climate for love to grow. For love
grows in the environment of kindness, concern, helpfulness, togetherness,
unselfishness, sharing, caring, and complete trust. [24]
Yes, there will still be
disagreements, but with love, such will be less severe and less damaging. [25]
Conclusion
It is hoped that the ABC’s for happy marriages that
have been discussed in this book will be helpful to you in having a happy
marriage. As we read and study about these principles, may we also keep in mind
this final truth: [26]
The
only way for these principles to help is to apply them with love! [27]
I promise to make you happy
I pledge my heart you
To join our hearts together
To be one instead of two.
I promise to be faithful
Always caring and true
To hold you close forever
To help your dreams come true. [28]
—BBBristow
Instructions: Fill in the blanks
1. A
word associated with man being alone (Gen. 2:18) _________________
2. Material
to make a woman (Gen. 2:22) ____________________
3.
Something to be done regarding parents (Gen. 2:24) __________________
4. The
way the prophet Malachi refers to a wife (Mal. 2:14) ______________
5. An
action word for young women (Titus 2:4) _________________
6. God
will do this to fornicators and adulterers (Heb. 13:4) ______________
7.
Something husbands are not to be toward wives (Col. 3:19 _____________
8. God
will judge these (Heb. 13:4) _________________________
9. What
a husband can cause a wife to commit (Mt. 5:32) _______________
10. A word used by Peter to describe a wife (1 Pet.
3:7) __________________
11. The description of a marriage bed (Heb. 13:4)
______________________
12. “For man is not from ____________, but woman
from man” (1 Cor.
11:8).
—BBBristow