Happy Marriages

Lesson 5

Marriage makes a solemn promise

Until death breaks us apart

With true love we’ll keep on living

Caring from the very start.

The world will have its separations

Divorce will tare away at hearts

But our love will hold together

Because we have committed hearts.

Q - Questions of doubt should always be replaced with trust.

As husbands and wives share their lives together and grow more deeply in love, there is a need for trust. In fact, trust is one of the characteristics of love! When Paul wrote about the things love will do or not do, he included these powerful words: Love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). He is saying that love replaces all doubts with trust! [1]

Removing Doubts

One time some gossip began to circulate about a man and his secretary. When the falsehood finally was told to his wife, she replied, “I don’t believe a word of it, and furthermore, I will never believe it unless he were to admit it.” Their love for each other removed all questions of doubt, and was totally replaced with trust. [2]

Christian Marriages

Trust in marriages should be even stronger in Christian marriages than in marriages of the world. Does this mean that Christians are exempt from temptations? Not at all! However, in Christian marriages, there is not only love for each other, but also love for God and His divine word. Thus, when temptations come, a stronger effort will be made to resist. When Christian couples know this, there is greater trust. [3]

How Can I Do This?

When Joseph of the Old Testament was tempted to commit a sexual sin with Potiphar’s wife, she was probably very attractive and even desirable to him. However, he lifted his heart and thoughts higher than a moment of lustful pleasure. He responded by asking, “How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). Joseph did not want to betray Potiphar, but most important of all, he did not want to sin against God. Therefore, he ran from this sin! [4]

Building Trust

Trust is also something that must be built in marriage over the years. Husbands and wives should make every effort to live and talk in a way that removes all doubts. Even jokes and comments that suggest unfaithfulness should be avoided. Sometimes doubts come in the form of tiny layers, but over the years these may stack up to become serious doubts. [5]

A good rule to follow is to never purposely say or do anything that causes doubt and removes trust. [6]

R - Receive and give sincere kisses daily.

Even though kisses can be abused and are even used for betrayal, hypocrisy, and lust, the kisses between a husband and wife are very important. They are important because they represent a beautiful way of expressing love. Many think of the kiss as being important only during times of sexual intimacy, but this is not true. Kisses between a husband and wife can be daily expressions of the words, “I love you!” When such kisses are expressed from the heart, they represent one of the ways of being close and having oneness together. [7]

Keep In Touch

There are couples that feel the need to kiss when they leave for work or other responsibilities, when they return, before they go to sleep at night, and when they awaken in the mornings. Certainly, this is not to be done just to follow a set routine. The frequency of kissing will depend on each couple. However, it is certainly one of the ways that we can show our love to each other while making an effort to keep in touch and to feel oneness. [8]

An Example

One time I heard an interview with the actor Robert Young who had celebrated a wedding anniversary of many years. He was asked, “How do you account for the fact that you and your wife have stayed married so many years?” After a few moments pause, he answered, “I guess it’s because we never stopped kissing!” [9]

Therefore, don’t get too busy to express your love through sincere kisses. This kind of closeness is needed to stay close in all areas of your marriage. [10]

S - Sexual closeness should be given and received to express love, and to reinforce faithfulness.

Since there is so much sexual immorality in the world, we may wrongfully come to the conclusion that all sexual activity is wrong and displeasing to God. This kind of attitude is far from the truth! For when this intimate relationship between a man and a woman is according to God’s will, it is not only right, but very important. [11]

Bible Teaching

The teaching of the Bible is plain and simple. A sexual relationship outside of marriage is sinful adultery, but inside an approved marriage, it is acceptable, honorable, and God approved. [12]

Only one short verse from Hebrews expresses the way it is with God on this subject: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). [13]

Therefore, husbands and wives who refuse each other simply because they feel that such is shameful and sinful, are not accepting the teaching of the word of God. [14]

One Flesh

When God made man and woman, He wanted them to become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). There are certainly many factors involved in this, but the oneness that comes from the sexual, intimate relationship is the foundation of all others. Because, from this closeness and expression of love can come the birth of a child who contains the oneness of both parents. Therefore, from this relationship, God gave the command to Adam and Eve: “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28). [15]

Helping Faithfulness

Also, the sexual relationship between a husband and wife is God’s way of keeping a couple faithful to each other. Thus, there are two important principles involved: First of all, marriage is the place for husbands and wives to fulfill their natural appetites or needs. Second, this kind of relationship is one of the ways to help remove the temptations to get involved with sexual immorality. [16]

Do Not Deprive

The Holy Spirit guided Paul to command husbands and wives not to deprive each other sexually. Here is the way he expressed it: “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. [17]

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:2-5). [18]

Keeping Pure

One of the many responsibilities in marriage is to keep oneself pure, and to help keep each other pure. Yes, there are those who will still get involved in adultery even when their mates are not depriving them. However, for every one who does this, there are many, many more who are able to avoid adultery because their mates faithfully met their needs. [19]

An Important Truth

Here is another truth! Even though God wants a couple to help each other avoid sexual immorality, when this is lacking, this does NOT give the deprived one the right to have a sinful affair. God wants the problems of a troubled marriage solved within the marriage, and not outside of it. [20]

Therefore, there is a great need for husbands and wives to make every possible effort to have a sexual relationship that meets the needs of each other, while keeping purity within the marriage. [21]

Instructions: Fill in blanks

1.“Marriage is honorable among all, and the __________undefiled;” (Heb. 13:4)

2.“husbands ought to love their own wives as their own ___________” (Eph. 5:28)

3. “This is now ________of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Gen. 2:23)

4. “Be _______________and multiply;” (Gen. 1:28)

5. “For no one ever _________ his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, (Eph. 5:29)

6. “for any reason except sexual _________________” (Mt. 5:32, NKJV)

7. “that you may give yourselves to fasting and __________; (1 Cor. 7:5)

8. “let your _______________be made known to God;” (Php. 4:6)

9. “so that ________does not tempt you ...” (1 Cor. 7:5)

10. “How then can I do this great ______________, and sin against God?”  (Gen. 39:9)

—BBBristow